Steven Bartlett and a Body Language Expert

WOW. Steven Bartlett hosts great guests quite often, but I found this one to be not only interesting, but applicable for ANYONE at any age or profession. Vanessa is an expert in body language as a "recovering awkward person". I have a lengthy list of tips (it was a 2.5 hour episode). Although these tips are great, and I hope they give you strong insights on whether or not this podcast is worth the listen!

1. Know your Resting Default Face

   • Are resting "sad", resting "angry", resting "scared", or neautral?

   • Knowing this is important so that you can make positive first impressions

2. How to be liked (25:00)

   • In one study, the #1 way to predict if a kid was "liked" was how long their list was of people they liked was.

   • They realized this turning into micro-interactions like saying hello in the hallways.

   • Let people know you're thinking about them !!!! It takes 5 seconds to send someone "Hey I was just thinking about you! I hope you're well!" or when you see something say "Hey I saw this {} and it reminded of you! I hope you're doing well" << This is less work than being awkward around someone and sharing boring small talk

     • Use this if you want to "level up" with someone (or really make sure you don't level down):

3. Three Levels of Intimacy (30:00)

   1. Acquaintances: People you kind of know (where they work, what they do)

   2. Personal Concerns: Goal, motivations, personality traits, worries

   3. Self-narrative: Would this person know the story you tell yourself about yourself

      • Hero: "I have worked hard and overcome"

      • Healer: "I am valued because I help"

      • Victim: "I experience challenges and mistakes but the world is against me"

        • A way to figure this out in someone is to ask what character they identify with (but make sure they aren't basing it off looks!)

4. If you see yourself as lucky, it is proven that you will see more opportunities (34:00)

   • to change, slightly shift your mindset. Instead of "I am awkward" start saying "I'm a recovering awkward person"

5. We can SMELL FEAR! (37:00) Which means it's proven that our feelings radiate.

6. Show your hands

   • If you can't see someone's hand/palm, your amygdala will fire red flags

7. Vocal Variety (48:00)

8. To be Charismatic, to need to be competent and warm (55:00)

9. The steeple (59:00)

   • This is the highest rated hand gesture leaders use

   • This isn't discussed in the podcast, but this is also proven to decrease stress. Use this the next time you speak!

10. Making over 70% eye contact is awkward! (1:00:00) But don't shoot for much less than that.

    • Focus on making eye contact at the end of your sentences.

11. Do not "ask" your name when you introduce yourself (1:10:11) or people will distrust you right away.

    • The study that proves this had to do with doctors and malpractice lawsuits meanings this LITERALLY lost people money.

12. The "Lean" (1:35:00)

    • Leaning into conversations too much looks like a bow which triggers a "submissive" connotation. We seek equals, so we don't like that (aka it doesn't work when trying to flirt)

13. Ask better questions for better "small talk" and actual connection.

    • Instead of "What do you do?" or "How are you", ask "Are you working on anything exciting recently?"

    • For the motivated people readers out there, ask about people's goals. If they get awkward, then great, they aren'y your "person"

14. What do your social media outlets make it really easy to assume? What are you attracting and what aren't you?

15. One way to gauge how comfortable someone is in a conversation is the distance between their arms and torso. If your arms are tight in your body, you are, or are coming off as, scared and anxious. (2:00:00)

16. Ladies, beware of overthinking or reading too far into things! It's a cue, not a truth (2:06:00)

    • this also is why "obvious" cues aren't so obvious to men

17. Have someone else take your warmth and confidence test

    1. How you perceive yourself does no good when you are trying to figure out how others perceive you.

18. Vanessa had a book that failed. Miserably

    1. Simply a reminder that 1) YOU CAN DO IT and 2) Don't let 1 failure limit you the rest of your life.

And these are just a few!